Wednesday, August 24, 2011

One last goodbye

What would you give, to say one last goodbye?

Something today reminded me of the last time I said goodbye, to people I once held close, and whom I've lost touch with, never to see again.

It was hasty, and hurried. Walking to class while everyone else was leaving, distracted with many other things on my mind. We crossed paths, and he came up to me, and said he just wanted to say goodbye, since he was leaving the next day. In the haste of the moment, I almost forgot to think, simply muttering "Yeah...bye." A simple pat on the shoulder, and we parted ways, walking in opposite directions.

And that was it. I'll probably never see him again for the rest of my life.

Only later on did it hit me, reminding me of the all the goodbyes I said before I moved here. Hasty ones. Thoughtless ones. Empty words. What I felt then was nothing compared to what would feel now if I was forced to say goodbye to a friend I'd perhaps never see again.

I'd give anything to see them again. To be able to say one last, proper goodbye. To make promises to keep in touch. To remember them as they were at that moment in time. To say that perhaps in the future, when I can, I'd make the trip across the world to see them.

But no. It's too late now.

It's perhaps one of the few things in life that I ever regret not doing.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Science and Faith

The two things in the world that could not possibly be anything other than polar opposites.

Or can they?

Where science fails, faith makes up for it.

Where we're unable to investigate or explain the origins of the universe via the scientific method, believing in the presence of a higher power beyond the realms of logical reasoning suffices to quench mankind's neverending thirst for knowledge and the ultimate truth.

And where the proof of science contradicts religious teachings, then religion humbly bows to whatever that proof is, and gracefully accepts the errors of its faith.

Which is why neither hardline atheists nor religious bigots have my support. In fact, they could be best friends for all I care, due to their shared narrow-mindedness and stubborn insistence of indoctrinating those who do not share their views with their own flawed beliefs.

A harmonious relationship, no?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Safe

That feeling of inner quiet, and peace.

Silence floats in the air.

Your lips form a small smile.

You lie down, and curl up, closing your eyes.

"I know you're right here with me," you whisper in your head.

Nothing can hurt you now.

You're safe.


Angel - Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Failure and resilience

I guess we can all relate to this situation at some point in our lives: when we can't take it anymore and are on the verge of giving up. We try so hard, but never get very far. We work our hardest, but never achieve what we hope to. Past experience inhibits us, planting seeds of doubt into our minds, of whether we are capable of achieving what we set out to do in spite of the fact that we try our hardest and do our best.

But as we stumble and fall, we learn to pick ourselves back up and try again. Something I guess what everyone struggles with is trying again so many times, yet missing the mark each and every time. All the blood, sweat and tears all come down to nothing. Demoralising as it is, it's understandable when people finally decide to give up and pursue another goal, something worth their time and effort, knowing that they will reap whatever benefits lie at the end.

Psychologically, failure hits you hard every single time. Some people are resilient, and find it easy to bounce back from failure and try again. Others not so much; for them, repeated failure simply indicates an inability to achieve something, and so it makes sense for them to move on to other goals worth investing their time and effort in.

Perhaps, resilience comes from that little voice in your head saying:
"Never give up. Not now, not ever."
"You can do it. Pick yourself up and just try again."
"Have a little faith. Not necessarily in a higher power, but in your abilities, and in the fact that everything be okay in the end."
"Do your best, and leave the rest."

You may fall many times, but you can always pick yourself back up. Don't lose hope, and don't lose faith. But most of all, don't give up, and don't look back.


Ali in the Jungle - The Hours

It's not how you start, it's how you finish,
And it's not where you're from, it's where you're at

Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna get up?
How quick are you gonna get up?
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna get up?
Just how are you gonna get up?

Like Ali in the jungle,
Like Nelson in jail,
Like Simpson on the mountain,
With odds like that, they were bound to fail
Like Keller in the darkness,
Like Adams in the dark,
Like Ludwig Van, how I loved that man, well the guy went deaf and didn't give a fuck, no
No, no, no

It's not where you are, it's where you're going
Where are you going?
And it's not about the things you've done, it's what you're doing now
What are you doing now?

Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna get up?
How quick are you gonna get up now?
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna get up?
Just how are you gonna get up?

Like Ali in the jungle,
Like Nelson in jail,
Like Simpson on the mountain,
Well with odds like that, they were bound to fail
Like Keller in the darkness,
Like Adams in the dark,
Like Ludwig Van, how I loved that man, well the guy went deaf and didn't give a fuck, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

It's the greatest comeback since Lazarus,
The greatest comeback since Lazarus,
It's the greatest comeback since Lazarus,
The greatest comeback
The greatest comeback since Lazarus,
The greatest comeback
It's the greatest comeback since Lazarus,
The greatest comeback
The greatest comeback...

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Anger

You punch the wall. Your knuckles bleed.

Throw things. They smash into a million pieces.

Slam the door. The sound echoes down the hallway. Lock it.

Slump against the wall. The screeching of your clothes as they rub against the rough surface.

Shout. Scream. Yell. Wail. Cry.

Blame yourself. Blame others.

Tell everyone else to go away, to leave you alone.

You seethe. Your heart races, throbbing so hard against your ribcage you feel it might burst. Your face flushes red.

The urge to kill rises out of the black depths of your dark heart. Nothing can stop you now.

Watch out.

You can run, but you can't hide.

Nobody can save you now.

You're next.

You're mine.